Why Domestic Chores Shouldn't Be a 'Her' Job

I write this in the days post International Women’s Day

‘Hmm, riveting,’ you say.

Recently I was half-heartedly watching reality TV while reading the online newspaper and one of the contestants on the cringe-worthy show came out and admitted to wanting an ‘alpha’ male in her life and that she was happy to be the subordinate…I mean the wife, and take on the, ahem, stereotypical gender role and ‘serve’ her husband.

I nearly gagged my cup of French Earl Grey.

Got to give it to them, the show was successful in its objective by enticing more than a million women stand up in their lounge rooms ready to throw a blunt object at the TV. Seriously? Is the producer of the show a female? How is it that stupidity even uttered?

Hats off to women who choose to be the CEO of their household and hats off to those who manage to juggle both a demanding career and the never-ending domestic to-do list. But let’s not romanticize the notion that one gender should automatically be burdened with this responsibility simply because of outdated, arbitrary roles.

The contestant’s words — ‘alpha male’ and ‘serve’ — echo the rhetoric of a bygone era, a time when women were expected to be content with limited agency, their ambitions curtailed to the confines of the kitchen and the nursery. It is baffling to think that in 2025, we are still hearing this kind of regressive ideology, let alone celebrating it as aspirational.

As mother to two sons, this contestants mutterings pushed back years of soapbox moments in my kitchen as I crazy-eyed them into understanding that no woman in this century would put up with any of that stereotype, gaslighting behaviour and until this moment I was confident that I had at least was able to communicate that in this household it’s all equal and if I can clean the bathroom, so can you. I’m convinced its character building and that everyone should know how to fold a fitted bed sheet, debate religion and have a clear opinion on the macro-environment issues all at the same time.

I thought a successful partnership is based on mutual respect, shared responsibility, and a recognition that domestic labour is labour—unpaid, undervalued, and essential.

When I married three decades ago, I did not sign up for ‘thou shall clean, cook, pay the bills. I didn't put my hand up to be the calendar co-ordinator, social co-ordinator, shopping aisle aficionado, accountant, or the holder of all knowledge relating to birthdays, milestones, holidays, special occasions, while holding down a full-time job. But in retrospect that’s what happened. But how? I’m a strong independent woman; the type one gives all the work to as I’m the busiest. Yeah, busy picking up after everyone.

The reality is, gender roles in the home remain stubbornly persistent. Studies consistently show that even in dual-income households, women shoulder the lion’s share of domestic duties. This is not about choice; it’s about expectation. The expectation that women will automatically assume these roles, often before they even realize it’s happening. When did domestic chores become a ‘he said, she said’ scenario? Who says you can’t be an ‘alpha male’ and still cook a delicious healthy meal?

And while it’s infuriating to hear someone openly embrace submission as a lifestyle choice, what’s even more dangerous is the insidious way this mindset perpetuates inequality. Young girls watching this show might internalise the message that their worth is tied to how well they serve a man. Young boys might come away with the belief that leadership is synonymous with domination, rather than partnership.

So, what now?

We keep talking about it. We call it out when we see it, whether it’s in reality TV or in our own homes. We continue to teach our sons and daughters that respect and equality are not negotiable. We reject the idea that strength and masculinity are incompatible with emotional intelligence and domestic responsibility. I’m exemplifying actions and creating chore calendars. The quicker we all pitch in, the quicker it gets done. I’d much rather enjoy my cup of tea and quality time with my offspring, not be yelling to pick up wet towels off the floor.

And the next time someone says ‘happy wife, happy life,’ well, let’s not go there, because the real alpha energy? It’s understanding that serving your family is not about submission—it’s about ‘being us together.’

#domesticbliss #lifeobservations #internationalwomansday